The Danger of Having to be Right

There is a danger of getting stuck in our own position and perception and believing that we are “right.” The danger in having to be right lies in the build up of resentment that is caused by bulldozing your partner's opinions and feelings. When you have to be right, it means that you have to make your partner wrong. It does not matter what kind of face you paint on it, how helpful your tone, how carefully you explain, if you are consistently making your partner wrong it puts a huge strain on your relationship. 


Take a look at the shoulds in your life. Consider which of these shoulds are based on principle and which are preferences. The next time you find yourself wagging your finger at your partner, actually or figuratively, stop and ask yourself, “Is this should based on a principle or a preference?” “Where does this should come from?” and “How is fighting for this should affecting my relationship?”

There are few things in this world that are absolutes. When you pick your battles make sure that they are based on principle not preference. Principles are worth defending; preferences are not, they are simply preferences and everyone is entitled to their own. When you accept and allow your partner to have and express their own opinions, without making them wrong, you validate them. Validation helps people to feel less defensive and more open. When you are willing to really listen to and try to understand your partner's perspective, without being judgmental or condescending, it is likely that your partner will then be more willing to listen to your point of view. 


When you can only see the world from your perspective, there is no room for growth and no room for closeness. To feel really close to someone means accepting them as they are, not as you judge them to be, but seeing them at their best and making a sincere effort to see things from their perspective. Remember that their being different also does not make you wrong. Differences are what makes life interesting. Be willing to let go of having to be right and enjoy the differences.


“A man should never be ashamed to own he has been in the wrong, which is but saying, in other words, that he is wiser today than he was yesterday.” —